The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
The book The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi is a mind shattering read that will shock your system out of the Disney fantasy of conventional dating into a new world revealing the truth about women’s sexual and social desires. For many people this is a brutal pill to swallow after years of being told to be a nice guy, to shower women with constant affection, and to do your very best to prove (ugh… my stomach hurts just saying that) your a man worthwhile.
If you are coming from a point where your are under this spell that women are these mystical creatures and you see them as basically goddesses than this book is going to wake you the fuck up.
The massive amounts of misinformation that has been fed from the cradle has the 21st century male at a bit of a stand still. What does it mean to be a masculine man? We’ve been told our entire lives what women want but the key is what do they actually respond to?
In the very beginning of the The Rational Male Rollo Tomassi hits us with a very hard hitting truth. The truth that there is no such thing as “the one.” There are good ones and there are bad ones. There is no “the one.”
He breaks down the idea of “the one” as a social disease called oneitis which is an unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person usually accompanied by unreciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of said person.
The idea is that you become completely enthralled with a single person who you than put on a huge pedestal thinking they are so great for you. Only to find out they do not reciprocate this affection. This usually ends with them putting you in the friend zone or shooing you away like a pest.
Women’s Sexual Strategy
Women run under two different types of sexual strategies:
- Short-Term Sexual Strategy
- Long-Term Sexual Strategy
In the short-term sexual strategy a woman is looking for good genes and in the long-term sexual strategy she is looking for a good Dad.
A short-term sexual strategy is the search for Alpha genes. A man who is tall, muscular, confident, determined, and dominant. A woman seeks out these particular characteristics because if she was to get pregnant she would than pass these genes down to her children who would have a better chance of mating in the next life.
(Keep in mind that you do not need every single alpha characteristic to be successful with women but the more the merrier.)
In the long-term sexual strategy a woman is looking for a provider or a father. This man might not necessarily be tall, muscular, confident, dominant, or anything like that but what separates him is the resources that he provides.
(Ideally you want to fall somewhere in the middle of the short and long term sexual strategy in order to have the very best dating life.)
Scarcity vs Abundance
There have been thousands of social experiments where a woman goes up to a man and asks if she can fuck them. A man than goes up to a woman and asks if he can fuck them. I’m sure you can figure out how this study ends. If a woman can simply go up to a man and have sex on a whim than how can a man possibly compete?
Men can derive their own confidence from abundance and the most tangible way of securing this abundance is by spinning plates. What is spinning plates? Spinning plates is just a way of saying dating multiple women. When you are in abundance it is so much easier to walk away from destructive and negative relationships.
An abundance mind set is absolutely crucial because if you are coming from a form of scarcity you will not only exhibit behaviors of a beta male but subsequently will allow women to walk all over you. When one women is your only viable option you actually have no options.
When you are dating multiple women you will have a distinct willingness to walk away and it that willingness to walk away that makes you so irresistible to women in the first place. It is her imagination and competition anxiety (from other women) that will drive her to be the best possible version of herself.
A woman wants to be with a man that other women want to fuck.
If you are in a long-term relationship or a monogamous relationship that is not to say that she wants you to cheat on her but she wants to know that you have the option to cheat on her.
Women would rather share a high value male than a faithful loser.
You are the Prize
You must internalize the fact that you are the prize. You can not chase. You must be the beacon of validation for the woman not the other way around.
“Women compliment a man’s life. They are never the focus of it.” -Rollo Tomassi
Women find you captivating because you have a purpose beyond the feminine itself. It could be a cause, a charity, a hobby, a profession, or your life’s work but at the end of the day it must be SOMETHING.
The Sexual Marketplace
The sexual marketplace is where all dating, flings, marriages, and relationships all compete. Every single person is assigned a value (sexual market value) based on their level of attractiveness. For many guys they believe that their value is static based on their looks, height, wealth, or profession but in fact your value in the sexual marketplace is always fluctuating based on the decisions you make to improving your score.
I will note that raising your sexual market value shouldn’t be a code to live by but rather something you acknowledge as fact and work towards improving while not making it the center fold of your life.
What are some things you can begin doing to improve your sexual market value?
Start Lifting Weights
You might not be able to change your height, your face, or your symmetry but you have 100% control of your body. One thing that women find absolutely irresistible is muscles; big and strong men.
I don’t care what anyone says about looks don’t matter. I have been fat, I have had a six pack, and I have been in between. I can tell you with 100% confidence that when I am in better shape, when I have a six pack, when I am muscular, and my testosterone is shooting through the f*cking roof I have a lot more success with women.
So enough with the excuses. Start hitting the gym.
Shake Up Your Fashion
“Good artists copy but great artists steal.” -Pablo Picasso
This quote can be used for just about anything but even more so for fashion. The process of looking sexy really is as simple as seeing what looks good in the magazines and stealing it for yourself.
It isn’t just about the clothes themselves though. I see it time and time again. Some guy walks into the club dressed to the nines in a nice three piece suit that is way to big. His sleeves cover his hands, the jacket sags off his shoulders like a wet noodle, and his pants baggily drag across the floor behind him like a piece of toilet paper stuck on his shoe.
The fit of the clothes are just as important if no more so than the clothes themselves. Wear clothes that fit you, that contour to your body, and compliment the features you want to display.
The ethos of looks don’t matter have been taken to the extreme in the self development community and a big slap to the face is deservedly in order. Men with this delusional self confidence going to the clubs, malls, and coffee shops to go talk to women as they look like scrubs.
They show up dressed in a dirty t-shirt, too baggy jeans, some shitty $5 shoes, and decide to top it all off with a salvation army hat. You can’t expect to be successful if you don’t look the part of a high value man.
You don’t have to spend boat loads of money to look good. Keep it simple with pieces like a fitted black t-shirt, some good ass hugging blue jeans, a nice pair of black oxfords or fashion sneakers, a simple black belt, and a little something to make you stand out like a flashy necklace or medallion. The cost of all these items can be as little as $50 if you know where to look.
In the age of discount clothing stores like Marshalls, T.J Maxx, or the internet savvy Amazon there is no excuse to not have your fashion in order.
Modify Your Behaviors
This one is the most critical but also the hardest one to accomplish. If you are starting at ground zero than a majority of your time isn’t going to be focusing on adding new high value behaviors but rather removing low value ones that you have been doing for years. Fortunately the easiest way to break an unproductive habit is to replace it with a new more productive one.
High Value Behaviors Include:
- Taking Massive Action
- Taking More Risks
- Accepting Rejection
- Entering a Flow State
- Being Socially Cognizant
- Being the Life of the Party
- Not Seeking Validation
- Coming From a Place of Purpose
- Taking Responsibility for Your Life
Exhibiting these behaviors on a consistent basis will blow your mind about what is actually possible in the social realm (multiple make outs, threesomes, same night lays) but it takes time. You aren’t going to unwire years and years of bad programming by just knowing what you need to do.
“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” -Confucius
The learning is in the doing and it will be a pain staking period that can take months or even years. At this point most guys say… I have to wait YEARS to get good at this? Lets just say your learning curve is long and it does take years of your life to prosper in seduction and social skills. The real question is what choice do you have?
Will you continue down the same road of looking at all the beautiful, smart, and charming girls that you wish you could be with or will you actually interact with these women and change your life? Nothing in life that is worth it is ever easy otherwise everyone would be drowning in female attention.
There is a reason why 1 in 4 men at the age of 25 are still virgins. There is a a reason why the average number of partners for men in a life time is just six. There is a reason why 80% of the women sleep with just 20% of the men.
While I’m not saying you should base your confidence on the number of partners or sexual experiences you have in general. There is something to be said when over 90% of men wish they were having more sex in their life. Do not be ashamed of your desires. Embrace them.
People Won’t Like The New You
When you begin to implement these changes into your life you may begin to see some newly bred haters. When you decide to raise your self on the social ladder and the sexual marketplace most peoples first inclination is to drag you back down to where you were.
“The worst thing a crab can do is jump for the edge of the bucket.” -Anonymous
What is ironic is that the people who you thought would have your back during your evolution as a man like your family, friends, and close acquaintances are going to be the biggest proponents.
Most of the time the people close to you are coming from a good place. They don’t want to see you hurt. They don’t want to see you struggle. They have enjoyed the current you for so long they are afraid that the new you they may not like.
Rise above all the trivial bull shit and keep plugging away. Eventually they will have all have to succumb and submit to your new found purpose and glory.
Frame is Everything
What exactly is frame? Frame is essentially the reality in which the world is viewed as. Most guys first inclination is to try to jump into the woman’s frame. They are so giddy to even be in a conversation with a beautiful woman that they end up talking about her pet chihuahua for two hours only to end up with her saying nice to meet you and walking out of their life forever.
Your job as a man is to bring her into your frame and take her along for the ride. If there is anything a woman wants is that she wants a man to take the lead. You lead the conversation, you lead the interaction, you lead the date, and you lead to the bedroom. She wants to dress up, look sexy, let go, and have fun with a hot guy. Your job is to take the wheel.
“The purpose of a date is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.” –Corey Wayne
Never Allow a Woman to Control the Birth
This is a topic that most guys usually glaze over but may in fact be the most important of them all. Never take the choice of pregnancy out of your own hands. The reality is that in terms of birthing a child women hold all the cards.
She can sing from morning to night how she is on birth control but you will never truly know. Until you are ready and actually committed to having a child always wear a condom.
Birth control is proactive and condoms are reactive. All it takes is a few times missing her pill and boom your a daddy now.
(I have nothing against children in fact it is one of the most full filling and wonderful experiences of life to have a child but don’t get yourself stuck with someone who you don’t have any intention of being with on the long-term and send your life into a spiral.)
What is ironic is that I have experienced women attempting to take my semen and impregnate themselves with it when I wasn’t in the room. These girls made close to $100,000 a year and here they were trying to have my baby. Why?
You will begin to see as you grow and evolve into the true masculine ideal that women will simply want you for the aura and vision that you provide.
So remember to always have a condom ready. You should have just as much of a say in your productive rights as the woman does.
Never Attempt to Reconstruct an Old Relationship
The world is filled with so many beautiful, intelligent, and remarkable women. So why is it so common to return back to the things we already know? It is never easy to move on from a profound emotional relationship and many women will dance in your subconscious until the day you die.
Everything in life comes to a beginning and an end. When the end of a relationship does come it truly means the end.
Do not waste your time trying to claw back into an old relationship trying to recreate what once was. The reality is that the idealistic vision of the girl you were with before is now dead. She no longer exists.
There are to many high value women in this world to cry over one lost love. To many women who would treat you better than she ever did. So stop holding on and start letting go.
Lets just be Friends
There is a reason why guys get the lets just be friends line and it’s because they are not relating as a man relates to a woman. They are not giving a level of sexual polarization. Instead most guys try to fly in under the radar as a nice guy only to come in at the very end saying surprise I got a dick!
If a girl ever says to you lets just be friends and you do not want to just be friends than say no we can not just be friends and walk away.
Most guys think they can play this “friend game” only to later swoop in and get the girl at the end. It does not work this way.
“Attraction is not a choice.” -David Deangelo
Do not waste your time with women who do not find you sexually attractive.
If you want to change this part of your life you have to be willing to make the changes in yourself. Don’t blame other people for your misfortunes in dating. Blame yourself.
Stop waiting for things to get easier because they will never get any easier. Being successful with women is hard (at least at first… you’ll laugh about it once you have a high level of competence.)
While you may not be the smartest, biggest, tallest, or guy with the biggest dick at the end of the day there are things in your control that you can do to begin being successful with women.
This is a 5 star read with a lot of shocking information but if you have a desire to get this part of your life handled then take your medicine, swallow the pill, and ultimately enhance your life.
The book is The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi:
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As always… good fortune to you my friend.